Five Words

Words are the most powerful things. They have the capacity to help someone grow,  create love and joy, safety and support, yet, also the ability to destroy someone, break hearts and crush souls. 

The thing with words are you can’t take them back. Once they’ve been said they can’t be unheard. 

 The deed is done.

 We all have opinions and expectations based on our own upbringings and blue prints. 

 We all experience life differently, and quite a few of us like to give our opinions/ judgements on other people’s situations and life choices based on how we perceive it. From our position within the situation or an outsider view point. But we aren’t that person and even if we think we have an inkling of how the person must feel…quite frankly? We haven’t got a fucking clue. 

There’s a fine line I know. A lot of damage is done by being too liberal and thoughtless with words. We can express a concern or opinion without hurting someone. It’s just how we go about saying it. 

I think everyone on this planet has experienced someone say something so crucifying-ly heart-breaking to them that the words still echo through them to this day.

Timing is always a funny one with this too. I’ve always found this kind of thing happens when you can’t really imagine feeling much worse than you do and then BAM, someone proves you wrong.

I have several sentences that have been said to me that echo through me, that have left a hole in my gut. 

I think if the timing of them had been different they wouldn’t have left such a scar. But alas, the timing was perfectly aligned with my guard down and my vulnerability level at 100. 

Mothers often talk about “mum guilt”, this feeling of guilt they have about what they do. Whether they are being a good enough mum, feeling guilty that they have to juggle so much and is it effecting their responsibility as a mother. 

Its endless. 

My experiences as a mother have left me with a guilt that I can’t put into actual words.

I failed to bring my son safely into this world, a failure I feel so deeply it leaves me catatonic with grief. 

My body failed to make sure that all of my daughters genes were all in perfect working order whilst she grew. 

Another responsibility as a mother that I feel so deeply my soul aches.

The added difficulty with these two situations are that they aren’t of conscious doing, these are meant to be the natural things we do as women. That adds another complexity that I’ll leave for another day.

The guilt I feel as a mother can be unbearable. A harrowing feeling of anxiety and heartache that has become imbedded in my heart. It sometimes over flows and effects my daily being.

“You are not good enough”…. These five words can be said in many different ways. 

Feeling good enough and of value is something we have to create within ourselves…”Self-worth” they call it. Yet it’s the most fragile thing humans have. 

Creating it and strengthening your belief in your self-worth is a practice, and like most journeys, it’s not linear. Once you’ve got some it doesn’t always stick.

I’m a Hype girl. For this very reason. I have this thing about not wanting anyone to feel shit or unloved or not good enough. Ever. 

The thought of someone feeling as soul destroying-ly in-adequate as I have felt, makes me feel sick.  

 I recently had an experience that opened my failure wound again. An opinion given that has brought it all back to the fore. Its triggered a feeling in me that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Said at a time when I was at my most vulnerable, no armour on to protect myself. 

Wow, humans can be harsh and thoughtless, and personally I don’t think it’s an effective way to help or support someone. It just causes damage. 

 It took five words ( give or take) to make me feel completely and utterly alone. That moment when you need someone to take your hand and say a different sentence. 

“How can i help you”

No judgement, no criticism, just a space to be. 

Because the truth is, not one single person has all their shit together. There isn’t a single person out there who is perfect, without struggles or battles.

So how an earth we can think we have the right to criticise or have an opinion on someone else’s struggles is beyond me.

I could waffle on… but really all want to say is this…. 

Be kind with your words…I beg of you…and if you can’t be kind or soft with them? Don’t say anything at all. 

Words are more powerful than you can possibly imagine. The majority of us are struggling in ways you might not even comprehend.

So please, be kind with your words….And if you can’t?  Step away for a moment, give it space.