Value
I read an article the other day that had been published in the Guardian. A similar topic had been written about earlier last year in our first lockdown. It triggered me then, and when I read the latest article that trigger was cocked and ready with no safety catch on to slow it down.
The anger that has raged within me hasn’t yet settled.
My thoughts around what was written is becoming an internal dialogue of such rage and anger It has actually left me at times almost catatonic. Its distracting. And if I’m honest I’m not sure where my perspective is.
I have very strong opinions/beliefs and views on many things. All having been curated through experience, my education, my family, society, culture. The list is endless.
Opinions and beliefs come with emotions attached. I used to not link the two particularly. But I’ve more recently become aware of how intertwined they are.
I am an exceptionally emotional person these days. It used to take a gigantic amount of either alcohol or trauma to make me shed a tear. Yet now? Well now, it takes an article in the Guardian apparently!
“Do Not Resuscitate notices are being given to families of Covid patients with learning difficulties.”
Do Not Resuscitate.
Do you know what that translates into for me?
They Are not as Valuable.
They Do not have the same worth as a “normal” member of society.
They are Not as important.
Their Life is not as useful.
That’s my Daughter you’re speaking of.
Now here is the thing. Our society works on the model that we all work and do our bit, pay our taxes and support the system, the economy. We all help our “world” go round.
It is how we have developed as a human race. There is a Value put on everyone and what we contribute to society.
We are so used to it that we don’t even notice how it effects everything.
We have a class system , based essentially on how much money you are worth. Your “breeding”, where you live, what you do for a living. How successful you are in society.
Disabled people don’t contribute to that style of system. That cultural norm. In fact if you look at life in that way then disabled people are a hinderance, a strain on society. Of no significant value at all.
I am so disappointed in us.
Yet It doesn’t surprise me.
If I take a deep breath and try to rationalise, I know how this works and why. I did A level ethics. It’s a Numbers game.
But this is to personal for me to shake off.
This Pandemic has pushed us all to the very limit. The lack of control we have is overwhelming.
We are clinging to glimmers of hope in the shape of vaccines, that soon we will all be able to go on holiday again. See family we haven’t seen in over a year.
Parents are struggling with juggling work and home schooling, home schooling with the support of teachers and schools that rejected my child for going there because she didn’t fit the mould.
Now I just sound bitchy don’t I?
I have a bitter taste in my mouth, left there by the social restrictions and worth placed on people who can’t contribute like everyone else.
This rant of mine isn’t because I want pity, that’s the last thing I want.
It’s a release of anger. A way for me to unravel my internal dialogue and get back to life.
Get back to my daughter.
For anyone reading this who is in a similar place, I get it.
Sometimes this life is a real brain fuck.
